I Was Going To
learn to stand on my
head this winter I told everyone
like I always do like I always do I didn’t
do it distracted by snacking
pushing the cats off countertops counting
how many days it’s been
since I last had sex I am so swept away
by how warm it is here and how
unimaginable I have become
to my younger thumbs
pushing little numbers on my flip phone
over and over just to say
hello right now Chicago
is snow-creased and keeping
a few friends I don’t know well happy
I think Emily shares my name
and is so beautiful and kind
I do supine twists and brainstorm
while breathing in how to become
also beautiful and kind can I
leave my legs unshaven can I keep
my holey jeans I forget everything
if I don’t write it down I forget
most things if I do but get lonely
Ben always responds after a day or so
I keep my phone on me to wonder
if I love him still I had a whole
plan but it hurt my neck
when I practiced I panicked
I should have been reading Yeats
instead of pressing my head
to the floor flailing my stupid feet
in the air instead I walked to Whole Foods
wearing just a t-shirt instead
I bought wine and three oranges and wanted
to be someone else at checkout
the spare change rang from my purse
for a moment a few coins spun
on the floor not quite upright
head this winter I told everyone
like I always do like I always do I didn’t
do it distracted by snacking
pushing the cats off countertops counting
how many days it’s been
since I last had sex I am so swept away
by how warm it is here and how
unimaginable I have become
to my younger thumbs
pushing little numbers on my flip phone
over and over just to say
hello right now Chicago
is snow-creased and keeping
a few friends I don’t know well happy
I think Emily shares my name
and is so beautiful and kind
I do supine twists and brainstorm
while breathing in how to become
also beautiful and kind can I
leave my legs unshaven can I keep
my holey jeans I forget everything
if I don’t write it down I forget
most things if I do but get lonely
Ben always responds after a day or so
I keep my phone on me to wonder
if I love him still I had a whole
plan but it hurt my neck
when I practiced I panicked
I should have been reading Yeats
instead of pressing my head
to the floor flailing my stupid feet
in the air instead I walked to Whole Foods
wearing just a t-shirt instead
I bought wine and three oranges and wanted
to be someone else at checkout
the spare change rang from my purse
for a moment a few coins spun
on the floor not quite upright
Emily Alexander is a writer and editor in Oakland. Her work has been published in Blood Orange Review, Up the Staircase Quarterly, and Hobart Pulp.
I wrote this poem after a particularly lazy holiday break during which I had planned to accomplish a whole list of things, including mastering a headstand. And, well, this poem is the only thing I actually did.
I wrote this poem after a particularly lazy holiday break during which I had planned to accomplish a whole list of things, including mastering a headstand. And, well, this poem is the only thing I actually did.