Cat
of course it was nothing
like having a baby
even though he drank formula
four times a day
and even though
I couldn’t sleep
for my birthday that year
we had gone to a museum
to see an exhibit on cat deities
I once thought that if I threw him
off our balcony
it would be like we never
brought him home in your Jeep
he was light as a pile
of cigarette
ash between my knees
cat deities guarded
transitions such as
between pregnancy birth
and infancy
we were talking
about names already
you were always getting ready
to leave
while I washed and fed
and swept while he
cried out from the corner
of my dreams
he taught himself
to bury his shit and yet
twice a week
I had to unearth it
not a baby but a shadow
baby he was
constantly under my feet
scraping nests out of my hair
and empty sleeves
in the dark I could hardly
find him his dark
had started shedding
so darkly I slipped
and fell into it
like having a baby
even though he drank formula
four times a day
and even though
I couldn’t sleep
for my birthday that year
we had gone to a museum
to see an exhibit on cat deities
I once thought that if I threw him
off our balcony
it would be like we never
brought him home in your Jeep
he was light as a pile
of cigarette
ash between my knees
cat deities guarded
transitions such as
between pregnancy birth
and infancy
we were talking
about names already
you were always getting ready
to leave
while I washed and fed
and swept while he
cried out from the corner
of my dreams
he taught himself
to bury his shit and yet
twice a week
I had to unearth it
not a baby but a shadow
baby he was
constantly under my feet
scraping nests out of my hair
and empty sleeves
in the dark I could hardly
find him his dark
had started shedding
so darkly I slipped
and fell into it
Mag Gabbert holds a PhD from Texas Tech University and an MFA from UC Riverside. Her work has been published in 32 Poems, Stirring, The Rumpus, Phoebe, and many other journals. Mag teaches creative writing at Southern Methodist University and edits for Iron Horse Literary Review. Her website is maggabbert.com.
I wrote this piece about six months after my former partner and I rescued a three-week-old kitten. Although I love animals—and am a longtime pet owner—I was struck by how difficult the adjustment was; my experience truly seemed to mimic post-partum depression.
I wrote this piece about six months after my former partner and I rescued a three-week-old kitten. Although I love animals—and am a longtime pet owner—I was struck by how difficult the adjustment was; my experience truly seemed to mimic post-partum depression.